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Its that time of year again, roses are exchanged, promises are made, love is in the air! As valentine’s day approaches, many of us get caught up in the atmosphere and give in to temptation…

They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.                                                                              William Shakespeare

It is a well known fact that when the topic of love and marriage is mentioned, or a talk held on the subject, tickets sell out like hot cakes. Some mistake these events for a fast track wedding service, others attend hoping the talk will magically transform them into the perfect husband or wife. Whatever the reason, the topic is no longer a taboo subject and is often used as the punch line for many jokes. But what is love?

Love is dangerous, passionate, unexpected, beautiful, painful, and much much more. Love is an emotional connection of mutual affection, a bond that cannot be broken. There is an Arabic proverb that says: "Love is blind, it makes zucchini turn into okra." One would therefore think that with all its complexities love would deter mankind from seeking it, yet each and everyone of us looks to be loved and to love another in return.

Every year on the 14th of February people all over the world ‘celebrate’ love. The origins of Valentines day can be debated but many sources suggest it originated from the pagan festival of Lupercalia. During the festival, the names of young girls would be written onto paper and put into a jar to be picked out by boys. The chosen and the chooser would then be partners for the duration of the festival and this would often result in relationships. The Church tried to end the promiscuous nature of this ritual by selecting a "Lover's Saint" to be honoured as a replacement of the ritual of Lupericus.  It was originally celebrated on the 15th but Pope Gelasius changed this to the 14th and named the festival after St Valentine. Modern day celebration of this tradition includes chocolates, fine dining and flowers. 

But is love and affection reserved and restricted to a single day?

In Islam, we are taught that relations between non mahram men and women are forbidden but have we ever wondered why? Allah forbids that which is not beneficial for us as a form of protection against a less then desired outcome. Consider this, if we spent our lives looking for the ‘one’ and in turn looking for ‘true love’, would we have time to remember our Creator? 

Does this mean that ‘true love’ does not exist in Islam? Furthermore, are love marriages in Islam forbidden? Quite the contrary, we see a perfect example of such love between Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and his wife Khadija (RA). Their love was sincere and pure. Khadija (RA) stood by her husband throughout the trials and tribulations that he faced. The Prophet (SAW) was kind, gentle, the perfect man. After the death of Khadija (RA) the Prophet (SAW) could not love another in the same way. Furthermore, the Prophet (SAW) showed love to all his wives; it is narrated in a hadith (Muslim) that when Aisha (RA) would drink from a cup, the Prophet (SAW) would watch where she had placed her lips so that he could drink from the cup in the same place. SubhanAllah! As humans we are able to feel so much, therefore rational or irrational, in my opinion true love does exist.

But wait, does this mean that love can exist before marriage? Is it right to say ‘I love you’ to someone before nikah papers are signed? In the famous words of Mrs Backsi of Bride and Prejudice, “Where was the love-shove when we first got married…you marry first then love grows”. In my opinion ‘true’ love can only exist between two people after marriage. We must grow as muslims in Imaan and love for one another, learning together, striving for Jannah together, because the righteous man and wife will be reunited in heaven to reside therein for eternity.

This is not to say that love, in its many forms, would not be present before marriage but haram is far easier then the halal and the value of this love can be questioned and lead to giving in to the many temptations. Islam teaches us that marriage is the purest, sincerest and permissible relationship that should exist between a male and female.

So, can muslims celebrate Valentines day? Although I think there is no harm in showing affection for one another on such a day, an important thing to note here is that love is not for one day but for a lifetime. Love is to treat each other with the respect and understanding shown in the perfect example of the Prophet (SAW). To share life’s test and to love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT). Additionally celebrating such a day, one synonymous with sinful behaviour is not prescribed in the sunnah of our beloved Prophet (SAW). In fact the Prophet (SAW) said,“Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” Therefore, by celebrating Valentine’s Day, one would risk following a Christian tradition. One which I hasten to add, does not comply with the teaching of the Old Testament.

Moreover to search for the ‘one’ almost seems like a meaningless pursuit, a distraction away from our deen, as Allah the almighty has written our fate, which cannot be changed nor rushed.

To conclude for you all, love in Islam is of course permissible. When one chooses a partner they are likely to consider four things; beauty, wealth, nobility and taqwa (piety and consciousness of Allah), the most important being the latter. We should all endeavour to act in the correct manner in the hope of pleasing Allah in this world to gain the reward of the next inshAllah.

I pray my understanding is correct, any mistakes that I have made are forgiven and that Allah (SWT) guides us all. Ameen.

''And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.'' [ar-Rum 30:21]

By Aroush

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